GLBT Law 101: Rules In Parenting Disputes

Sean Lemieux
Attorney at Law

During 2005 I wrote in this column several times about ways lesbian and gay parents can protect their families. I also spent a lot of time litigating custody cases for GLBT parents, including taking cases to the Indiana Court of Appeals and Indiana Supreme Court. The day before Thanksgiving 2005 the Indiana Supreme Court ruled that a non-biological parent in a lesbian couple could seek parental rights after the adult relationship ended. This is a significant legal development and a major victory for same-sex families in Indiana.

Although the law is developing favorably for GLBT families, it is not without its challengers. Anti-gay organizations and Indiana Attorney General Steve Carter have intervened in a number of these cases to argue that gay and lesbian families do not exist and, if they do, they are harmful to children. With so many enemies at the gate we have to ask why gays and lesbians are starting these cases by fighting each other in the first place. Almost without exception these cases begin because a couple ends their relationship and one decides the other should no longer see the children. He or she finds a lawyer and argues gay families don’t exist. Who needs enemies when we have such friends?

To begin to address this growing problem of intra-community child custody disputes, several national GLBT organizations, including GLAD, Lambda Legal and the ACLU, have developed standards for same-sex couples to follow when adult relationships end and children are caught in the middle. They are ten simple principles every same-sex couple with children should follow when separating:
1. Be Honest About Existing Relationships Regardless of Legal Labels – just because one is not a legal parent doesn’t mean he or she isn’t a real parent.
2. Consider the Dispute From the Perspective of the Child or Children – children are harmed when their relationship with a significant adult is suddenly terminated.
3. Try to Reach a Voluntary Resolution.
4. Try to Maintain Continuity For the Child.
5. Remember That Breaking Up Is Hard to Do – avoid impulsive decisions that may harm children. 6. Seriously Investigate Allegations Of Abuse In Determining What is Best for the Child.
7. Honor Your Agreements – whether verbal or written (and don’t re-write history).
8. The Absence of Legal Documents Is Not Determinative of the Issues.
9. Treat Litigation As A Last Resort.
10. Treat Homophobic Law and Sentiments as Off Limits – this applies to lawyers as well as the couple (believe it or not, there are gay lawyers willing to argue gay families don’t exist).

As 2006 begins and you start making New Year’s Resolutions, keep these standards in mind and make sure protecting your family is at the top of your resolution list.

Sean Lemieux is an attorney with offices in Indianapolis and Bloomington practicing throughout Indiana in the areas of adoption, estate planning, probate and GLBT family law. He can be contacted in Indianapolis at 317-985-5809, in Bloomington at 812-606-2974 or by email at  sean@lemieuxlawoffices.com.

This article is for general information only and is not formal legal advice nor the formation of an attorney /client relationship. All situations are unique and you should consult a qualified attorney about your particular circumstances.